Now that chestnuts have roasted by open fires, presents have been opened and mummers and wrenboys alike have had their merriment, in order to preserve the sense of festivity and absurdity, I have mutilated Wizards of the Coast’s d20 system on your behalf. This is something akin to giving a guitar to someone with no musical skill whatsoever and then ushering them onto a stage in front of a crowd expecting some minor celebrity.

I won’t pretend to understand the d20 system or its ancestor, the equally celebrated and maligned Dungeons & Dragons, and having failed to come to terms with some of the more complicated aspects of the rules – I have thus thrown them out of the window in favour of references to the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon and Final Fantasy. This isn’t to say that I have some particular dislike for the rules… but I am a simpleton. Therefore, in the name of fun you may find some aspects of the rules and monster statistics skewed in favour of simplicity. This of course means that the entire project will appeal to neither people well versed in pen-and-paper role playing games or to people who are oblivious to the rules. I, however, am more than content with this, having spent three days merrily scribbling notes and looking up profiles of various different monsters. So obsessive was I about said monsters, that I even managed to borrow some festive Final Fantasy derived sketches my wife made as part of a friend’s Christmas present.

Therefore, if you can put up with simplified rules, my godawful handwriting on a poor scan of the ‘map’ and various other handicaps, then I welcome you, one and all, to the Hall of the Owlbear King.